tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91994372292569744922024-03-06T02:16:06.830+00:00Soul Seared MemoirsA dreamer, seared by his imperfections, aiming to learn what it means to live life to the max. The wait is finally over... this journey begins now..Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02678928359782830807noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-76094904585546884712013-06-10T09:34:00.001+01:002013-06-10T09:34:09.392+01:00Weirdness<br />
<div style="margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">”We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” </span></div><div style="margin-bottom: 1.5em; padding: 0px;"><span style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Dr. Seuss</span></div><div><br />
</div>Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-85026139858480416792012-08-24T11:28:00.002+01:002012-08-24T11:28:24.512+01:00The Legitimacy of Rape<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
I’m not so young or unaware that people often say really stupid
things. I’ve been known to say stupid things to and I’m sure everyone
knows someone who speaks without thinking or just says the daftest
things. <span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">But picture this, you know you are a public figure; you might
even be running for a prominent political or religious position, then
where the hell is the thought process that filters the crap that comes
out of your mouth. Really if you are looking to be in a position of
influence or high public visibility there definitely needs to be a
very distinct brain to mouth control. I know I shouldn’t be but I’m
really bothered by the latest crap I’m hearing being discussed about
legitimate rape. I’m sorry but there is no such thing as an
illegitimate rape, a fucking rape, is still a fucking rape. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Picture this: you’re in a club or bar or wherever you go to hook up
with or meet people. Let’s assume for this scenario you are both the
legal age for consensual sex and alcohol. You see someone that you’re
interested in and they seem to be interested in you too.
Unsurprisingly you both lean in kiss, have a few more drinks than you
ought to and before you know it you’ve gone home together. The
question is how much of that decision has been influenced by alcohol
or any other intoxicating substance, and would you have done this
sober? </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Scenario 1: After having had sex, do you turn to face the other person
with guilt/remorse/disgust? Whatever the emotion, regretting the
actions that lead you here let’s say you turn away, hoping the other
person will have left by the time morning dawns. Come morning you wake
to find the other person having sex with you again. You protest, try
to pull away, but your forced back down, and told to enjoy it like you
did the night before. Afraid, yet regretful you lie back to await your
fate. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Scenario 2: Once you get home, you go to the bathroom to freshen up,
and you’re a smart person, so while you are splashing water on your
face you think about the consequences of your actions. Do you have any
idea who his person is, do they have a STD, a criminal record, or
maybe you’ve just changed your mind, might be the person you see in
the light of day looks and feels different from the person in the
darkness of the club a few hours ago. You tell the person you’ve
changed your mind, and to leave. Instead the person ignores your words
and continues nonetheless for the task you both come here for. Maybe
the person is too drunk or sexual to understand what it is they are
doing to you. Maybe the person doesn’t care. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Scenario 3: You are married. You’ve had an awful day at work, and you
just want to go to bed and pretend this day never happened. Before
you’ve fallen asleep your partner comes from home, and initiates sex,
you say no, that you’re not in the mood. Your partner doesn’t care,
they want to have sex and as the lawful partner you are required to
give it up. Your partner forces themselves onto you and you give in as
you don’t have the will or energy to fight today, the day has drained
you completely. You oblige unwilling or willing, it’s irrelevant,
truth is you didn’t want this, not today. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">In my world, and realistically (it should be in everyone else’s world
too), all three scenarios lead to rape. The issue of legitimacy really
doesn’t come into it. Legal partner, or random stranger, rape is rape.
No should mean no, whatever the circumstance. And people should be
able to say no, and know that the no should carry weight. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">The great tragedy about human interaction is there always depth to
people, misunderstandings, miscommunications, regrets, and people
changing their minds. I read someone’s article the other day and she
made the most horrific statement, and whilst it is horrific it is hard
to deny how truth it was. “There are also going to always be people
who are capable of and will carry out sexual assault or rape”.
And it’s those people who should be prosecuted to the fullest and
hardest extend of the law. So yeah, when someone who doesn’t
understand how consensual sex or rape works, it does make me mad.
Really, really mad. I never have, and probably never will suffer fools
gladly.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">Anyways final thought - maybe it’s important to remember or understand
that if someone is intoxicated, they are NOT CAPABLE of consenting in
any circumstances. If someone you are sexually active with is
intoxicated, let me make it clear you are taking advantage of them. </span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.292969);">OK.. vent over.</span></div>
Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-82687046957827734372012-08-24T08:35:00.001+01:002012-08-24T08:35:35.524+01:00The Untapped Power of a Smile<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">It’s been a while since I logged into a dating site, it’s been even longer since I’ve been on a proper date. I’ve been introduced to a few people over dinner here and there, but I’m talking about proper butterflies in your stomach anticipation nervous date here, and it’s been a while since I had a date like that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">Somewhere down the road and I can’t even put my thumb on it, I just simply stopped dating. The furthest I went was admiring someone from afar. And even him (or her sometimes) barely got a smile from me. Something strange happened several weeks ago, I was on my way to Denmark Hill and a young chap was seated to the left of me. I could see from the corner of my eye, every so often he was looking at me. At the risk of sounding up my own bum hole it happens quite often, I catch the eye of someone and they simply can’t stop from looking :P I’m usually fairly unbothered by it, it’s happened since I was in my teens and sooner or later you just become immune to it. This was initially no different. Except right at the end, when we got to the station, he locked eyes with me and gave me a smile. Not a forced smile, a really nice genuinely warm smile. Strange I didn’t recognise or acknowledge what this guy even looked like, right until that moment. But he caught me off guard, and I responded with a forced smile, little more than acknowledging his smile. It wasn’t until he walked past me that it even registered that the guy was good looking and probably the kind of guy I might have asked out. And I let him walk past without any mutual acknowledgement or even so much as a hello.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">That got me thinking about the vibe I must be giving off at the moment. A cold hard unbothered persona. And despite the knowledge that I’ve been emotionally cut off from guys and dating, it wasn’t until that moment that I realised the degree it’s still prevalent.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="-webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(175, 192, 227, 0.230469); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(77, 128, 180, 0.230469); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 11pt; margin-bottom: 0.0001pt; margin-left: 0cm; margin-right: 0cm; margin-top: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: 10pt;">Strange what a single smile from a random stranger can invoke within you.</span></div>
</div>
Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-29315485098615738932011-11-28T20:29:00.001+00:002011-11-28T20:29:45.107+00:00SingletonsAs Christmas nears and conversation turns very seasonal, it’s not entirely surprising just how often conversation turns to relationships. I did a quick sum in my head of those I consider my closest friends (I restricted this to 15) and was really surprised at the statistics. Of those 15 people, 9 were single. As a statistic that’s 60% that are single! And that really surprised me (except the one who is a widow), coz realistically these friends of mine have been looking for a partner fairly actively for quite some time now and wow that did blow me away. The more I thought about it the more I really did struggle to answer why the hell so many of them are single.<br />
<br />
Are we simply becoming fussier at choosing and accepting partners, or are potential partners that unsuitable, or are we simply too shy to ask out those who we fancy?<br />
<br />
Take one of my gay mates who was up to recently dating a guy, who after 2 months, and a holiday in Italy together, deigned it time to tell my mate that his long time plan was to marry a girl. I’m glad to say that my mate dumped his sorry butt instantly. I know I haven’t actively been out there dating scene in a while but seriously have we not got past the mindset that gay guys need to get married to a girl yet? I wonder whether this is the reason why so many people are single; maybe they’re just having their time wasted by idiots like that, and yes I do seriously think that guy wasted 2 months of my mate’s life – 2 months that he is never going to get back. But then that said I see one of my mates who very recently met his new guy and man they look so cute together it makes this aimless random dating people go through worth it. Hmmm also maybe I should point out that one of my closest mates is also one of those gay guys that still talks about getting married, although that has waned more recently with his increased acceptance of his sexuality, but every now and then he does mention a girl and getting married, and me being me, it’s sometimes quite hard to not roll my eyes. But he isn’t really out there dating people or wasting their time.Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-48940356157241750662010-03-26T18:50:00.003+00:002010-03-26T18:57:30.403+00:00A 24 Hour DeficitI swear it feels like each day at the moment is just too short.. and funnily enough it feels short by all 24 hours.<br />
<br />
I've been meaning to post something for weeks without much luck. But as today marks (I think) the third anniversary of me fully coming out to everyone in my life (family included) I suppose the subject demands some limelight.<br />
<br />
What a long and arduous journey it has been. It's had joy, tears, pleasure, anger, love, fear, passion, confusion and a whole bundle of laughs.<br />
<br />
Maybe it's the fact that I've been conversing fairly recently with someone who is still at the infancy of his journey in discovering who he really is and who he wants to be.. that as I stand here.. I truly feel the magnitude of what it is I've managed to achieve in the last few years.<br />
<br />
As you all know I'm always keen on preserving the anonymity of those I blog about so for the purposes of this post we'll call said guy Jazz.<br />
<br />
Well what to say about Jazz - I met him a few years ago during a fashion show I took part in.. in aid of a charity I've been an avid supporter of for many years now. I quite literally jumped up at the chance to partake in a fashion show to help them raise much needed money. Anyways I knew even then that he was more than likely to be gay but with some guys you feel that they aren't ready to embrace that aspect of their life yet or discuss it so you tend to give them their space.<br />
<br />
Anyways in typical me mode I'm digressing.<br />
<br />
One thing I wish I had when I was coming to terms with my sexuality was someone to talk to, someone to tell me how it is, someone to offer words of advice, someone to reassure me things were gonna be okay, someone to vent to, but most importantly someone just like me who knew what I was going through and was there for me if I ever needed someone to talk to. Someone to act as that support network so essential when taking those first few steps.<br />
<br />
I never did have that and well I know how hard that is and was.. so I do try and be that someone when I can. I can see myself being that support for Jazz. And well truth be told even if I help Jazz with 1% of his journey.. it'll be well worth it. Maybe in a year or 10 when Jazz's completed his journey.. he might help somone else who might need a shoulder to lean on or a hand to steady them or someone to remind them they aren't alone. I've always loved the idea of pay-it-forward.<br />
<br />
Well I'm not pyschic so I don't know whether this would have happened without a little push from me but Jazz has just started university and with a few words of encouragment he told a few of his uni mates he was gay. As someone who had never really told anyone he was gay.. I told Jazz that uni was a great opportunity to be whoever the hell you want to be (sometimes I wish I knew that back then), but he took my advice and told his closest girlfriends and well they took it great and I hope those positive reactions will carry him forward for sometime to come.<br />
<br />
Anyways guess all I wanted to say was.. no matter who you are or where you are in your journey... never forget there are lots of others sailing that boat with you. Be yourself. It ain't easy but things do get better - take me as an example. Don't regret the people I've told even the few that reacted negatively.<br />
<br />
Peace.<br />
<br />
Ams' iPhoneSoul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-9284580660082395802010-02-14T00:04:00.003+00:002010-02-14T00:16:00.737+00:00M Is For MarriageI've always thought that people who dwell too deeply in the lives of others usually do so because they are so unhappy with their own lives.. that interfering, condemning, goading, not supporting, applying pressure, expecting from or even gossiping about others - gives not only some semblance of purpose to their miserable shitty existence.. but for those moments they forget how shite it is to be them.<br />
<br />
Is that a harsh point of view? Maybe, maybe not, but I think as I think. Maybe I'm acidic about it coz I'm a little frustrated about it right now.<br />
<br />
Recently I graced the shores of India - after almost 10 years and if I'm being honest with myself I never liked being there even 10 years ago.<br />
<br />
The worst thing about India is that the substantially different culture and mentality of the country's inhabitants are harder to digest than stone. <br />
<br />
As an unmarried 27 year old in India.. I'm at the latter end of the "appropriate age" for marriage and this means EVERY person in my family older than me is married or engaged. <br />
<br />
So what does this mean to me?<br />
<br />
Well it means that I'm fair game and it is the personal responsibility of ALL the elders in India (by elders.. I mean those my age & above) to ensure I'm tamed and settled down immediately. And this should be done without holding back. It's a matter of importance that can not be given anything less than their full-focus.<br />
<br />
This apparently isn't so much in my interest mind.. it's about me looking after Masi (Aunt) and my parents.. which according to every familial resident of India is the responsibility of my currently non-existent wife.<br />
<br />
Now I do appreciate that those of my grandparents generation want to see all their grandchildren married, settled and producing 'sprogs'.. and I even can stomach them saying as much. Honestly.. I can. <br />
<br />
What it is that pisses me off is the undue pressure and constant harranging. Like serious.. tell me once a few times when you meet me.. maybe a couple more times as you talk to me.. maybe even a parting comment.<br />
<br />
But seriously 163 times in less than an hour? That takes the biscuit in my book especially when that's the first and only time I'm ever likely to meet you.<br />
<br />
And I swear that was the amount of times just one person went on about it.. you can imagine how many others were like that.. none quite as bad mind but still there were several contenders very closely behind.<br />
<br />
The flash of annoyance and anger that must have been evident on my face everytime someone so much as mentioned the word marriage must have carried. I'm sure of it. I don't suffer fools gladly and have always been crap at masking my annoyance.<br />
<br />
When I was asked if I had a girlfriend.. it was easy enough to say NO.. it's true afterall. There is no girlfriend. No-one asked if there was a boyfriend. That would have been harder to evade. I would certainly not have lied and said no if someone had asked but I would not have answered. It would have been a case of evade evade evade.<br />
<br />
I will note that despite everything I didn't cave into the pressure.. which I have to admit was far worse than I had anticipated. <br />
<br />
But what got me.. and it REALLY REALLY did get me.. was the realisation that I'll never be able to have a partner that truly fits into my all aspects of my life. I will never be able to escape it. I will forever be awkwardly single, unmarried and incomplete as far as all these people are concerned. Wifeless and empty.. never able to share my love, my life, my partner openly, freely, comfortably or happily. I will forever have a shield around my life.. a guard of privacy and isolation. I'll never be able to walk into a room of family members with my partner as my partner. To them I'll be alone. Forever and always.<br />
<br />
And for someone whose family is as important as it is to me.. well that hurt. That hurt more than I can articulate.<br />
<br />
And that for reasons that I couldn't fathom.. that really really depressed me. I had thought I was past this. Past allowing this to hold me down. Past letting it affect me. Past caring. But guess like so many other things.. I must have been kidding myself.<br />
<br />
Sent from Ams' iPhone. Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-16181124531675997232009-12-26T19:06:00.010+00:002009-12-26T19:17:14.161+00:00The Muddy Waters of '09As the end of 2009 creeps closer and closer the sum of the highs & lows of the year gone comes crashing down on me like a tidal wave. What can I say on how this year has fared?<br />
<br />
This year like many before it, has been an evolutionary journey of self-discovery, grit, frustrations, love, successes and failures, amongst many other things. Each step on the rung of the ladder has highlighted the need to establish priorities and find balance with the multiple aspects of my life. <br />
<br />
Whilst I have struggled with some destructive relationships I also found love in the most unexpected of places, in the most unexpected of people this year. I have made new friends, built indestructable foundations with some, lost or walked away from few, but worse I have neglected some, and sadly I don't think there has been a shortage of these this year. I will ensure that the New Year brings appropriate changes to that front. This year has seen me rid myself of some bad habits, some bigger, more noticable than others.<br />
<br />
Mentally & emotionally this year has been a turbulent ride. I feel like the more I reach out and try to hold on to things from my past and present the faster they slip away.<br />
<br />
Things I've learnt this year:<br />
- It will take me a long time to become the person I want to be.<br />
- I'm capable of continuing on long after what I think I am <br />
capable of.<br />
- People who love me dearly, sometimes don't know how to<br />
show it.<br />
- People who I love dearly, don't always know.<br />
- It isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes I <br />
<span style="font-size: xx-small;"> </span>have to learn to forgive myself.<br />
<br />
<div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Now, I eagerly await the birth of 2010.<br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">For all those that stop here, I wish you a successful New Year. Wishing you all laughter, happiness, love, health and prosperity.<br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"><br />
</div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;">Peace<br />
<br />
Sent from Ams' iPhone<br />
<span style="background-color: #eeeeee;"></span><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJnNa8IRPhKoFDA9pbdd2l1VAXS5Y-bPbmJrdUW5X-Kl4gB38wgx9cFAdNzUKgKmC56C3P7IBwXxcwO8E0J-cbe0VE7PirjC18YE3YR02QwfVp6meCn15di67XX-pfu-D2A9ErjOQP98Ej/s1600-h/halte.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: #eeeeee;"><img border="0" ps="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJnNa8IRPhKoFDA9pbdd2l1VAXS5Y-bPbmJrdUW5X-Kl4gB38wgx9cFAdNzUKgKmC56C3P7IBwXxcwO8E0J-cbe0VE7PirjC18YE3YR02QwfVp6meCn15di67XX-pfu-D2A9ErjOQP98Ej/s320/halte.jpg" /></span></a><br />
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</div>Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-49661687996898390782009-12-13T15:22:00.001+00:002009-12-13T15:23:58.807+00:00ButterflyThere are millions of butterflies<br />
Yet only one I call a friend<br />
<br />
There are a thousand reasons why<br />
But I can only think of one<br />
<br />
It’s the only one that called me broken<br />
Yet it said it liked me<br />
<br />
Only broken butterflies can’t fly after all<br />
It thinks me strange<br />
<br />
I trapped it in a jar<br />
Couldn’t bear to let it go<br />
<br />
But then I saw it shed a tear<br />
So I let it go<br />
<br />
But it said maybe I needed a friend<br />
So it refused to fly away<br />
<br />
I leaned in and said go fly away<br />
Go be with those like you<br />
<br />
It shook its head and bit its wings off<br />
It held them out<br />
<br />
For you so you can be free it said<br />
Then it fell asleep<br />
<br />
There might be a million butterflies<br />
Yet only one I called a friendSoul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-52962615943801056362009-11-17T19:12:00.000+00:002009-11-17T19:12:43.041+00:00Pleasant SurprisesI’d like to think I know my friends pretty well. But there are always moments when one says something that even in a million years you’d never have been expected or even been prepared for.<br />
<br />
Hmm I’ve kinda lost track of the names I’ve given some friends for blog purposes, but for the illustration of this post, we’ll call said friend Yazelda.<br />
<br />
Several months ago, Yazelda invited me and a few other close friends to his place for a sleepover. Now hold tight for this statement: But as a kid I was never really allowed to partake in anything resembling a sleepover – unless it was family. So as an aspect of my repressed childhood I usually leap at suggestions of sleepovers - invitation in hand off I went (old familial restrictions no longer hold sway with me).<br />
<br />
So as part of the evening entertainment – we decided to play “Truth or Dare”. Now there was a time ago where the idea of playing such a game (and the dares that could ensue) would have had me trembling in fear but the years have made me coarser, blunter, less reserved, shameless and more confident. <br />
<br />
I don’t think I got any dares or truths that even came close to making me blush but what caught me off guard was when someone asked Yazelda the question ‘with exception of your boyfriend, who in this room would you go out with?’ (maybe it was have sex with.. I don’t recall)’.<br />
<br />
Now as far as I’m concerned Yazelda is by far the best looking guy in the room.<br />
<br />
Now with several good looking guys in the room – the Dancer, the Italian (I’ve definitely mentioned him before), the PR Boi (cute and sweet), and Lips (damn the guy has the brightest pink lips I’ve ever seen - FYI the second best looking guy in room after Yazelda in my opinion) – I’m therefore totally unprepared when yazelda says ‘Amit’. I was expecting him to say Lips or Dancer. <br />
<br />
I’m sure I’ve misheard. I know I don’t look like a troll but I don’t expect to be picked over Lips or the Dancer. I just don’t. It's only when he looks up and smiles that it sinks in that he did indeed say me.<br />
<br />
Strange. That really really did surprise me.<br />
<br />
Just goes to show that you should never think someone is out of your league. Takes me back to high school.. when I fancied this girl called V. Man I dotted over this girl for over four years, and on the fifth year of knowing her, when the crush had lost its hold.. I was a little drunk when I turned to her in a pub, took hold of her shoulders, looked her in level in the eye and said ‘You know.. you might not have ever known this. But I had the biggest crush on you in high school’. She kept her gaze level and said ‘Well you might not have known this but I had a crush on you too back then.’<br />
<br />
So the motto is: Never hold back. If you fancy someone, or ever fancied someone that doesn’t know.. do yourself a favour and go tell them. You never know what the result will be.Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-30357086575105111222009-11-15T21:19:00.001+00:002009-11-15T21:20:51.057+00:00CongratsIs this a dream? Yes yes yes it is..<br />
<br />
He leaned in closer and they gazed into each other's eyes.<br />
<br />
"What you looking at?" One said to the other.<br />
"Have I told you that you have the most amazing eyes"<br />
"Who me? Nah that's just you being cheesy"<br />
"Shuddup fool. Why is it so hard for you to take a compliment?"<br />
"I dunno. I don't see myself in the same light you claim to see me in"<br />
"You always were a little crazy. So what did you wanna ask me?"<br />
"This might sound kind of crazy but why don't we move in together?"<br />
"No"<br />
"No?"<br />
"Yeah. No"<br />
"Why not?"<br />
"Coz I have a better idea"<br />
"Really? And what's that?"<br />
"Marry me!"<br />
"Are you serious?"<br />
"Yeah"<br />
<br />
I guess I should say congratulations.Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-36321193237117426312009-10-08T15:50:00.008+01:002009-10-08T17:43:17.113+01:00So Why?I don’t fall for anyone easily.<br />
<br />
Nope siree.<br />
<br />
No way.<br />
<br />
Not a chance.<br />
<br />
I’m easily flattered though.<br />
<br />
But fall?<br />
<br />
Nope.<br />
<br />
I’m often easily taken by someone.<br />
<br />
But fall?<br />
<br />
[SSD shakes his head]<br />
<br />
I occasionally even blush.<br />
<br />
Rarely.<br />
<br />
Believe me it has been known to happen though.<br />
<br />
But.<br />
<br />
And.<br />
<br />
I.<br />
<br />
Stress.<br />
<br />
This.<br />
<br />
I.<br />
<br />
Certainly.<br />
<br />
Definitely. <br />
<br />
Don’t. <br />
<br />
Fall.<br />
<br />
Hard.<br />
<br />
Or.<br />
<br />
Easily.<br />
<br />
So why does it feel like I am?<br />
<br />
<img $r="true" border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiBXOG03oQIAcER9WhotOmIQvUmdNYUEmbx1lm-ccDRkeVjmb9TTbpTY0_jWfTcxudEgCsywy_X4kAWLwyHXW_jBlrFltHscC0EteHQx5VUIVBULyIVkqzX5lTS-xAV7LlawkyYymEJx10t/s400/58c1132566.png"/>Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-43862855348172355052009-09-17T21:17:00.001+01:002009-09-17T21:17:04.845+01:00What's In A WordFor some strange reason whilst I’m completely comfortable with being gay now and happy to tell anyone I meet that I am <b>BUT</b> (and its a big but) I can’t use the phrase.. <i>I’m gay</i>.. it’s always <i>I’m not straight</i>. <br />
<br />
Strange that.Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-48517273322505699142009-09-13T13:28:00.003+01:002009-09-13T13:31:47.092+01:00ColourI just felt that the former blog's look was just a tad too drab.<br /><br />Pah I'd forgotten how much of a pain in the ass changing the template can be.<br /><br />Well I'm pleased to say I like the final outcome.Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02678928359782830807noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-33424996099186440512009-09-10T16:11:00.001+01:002009-09-10T16:11:56.042+01:00Kinky BootsI don't think I've ever been a <b>Man's Man</b>. You know the kind I mean. I've never been into sports, cars, DIY.. I'm oblivious to all that.<br />
<br />
But then that said I don't think I've ever been particularly feminine either. I certainly don't do the elaborate hand gestures when I talk and when I do play the gay card I more often than not, put it on... shrieking OMG just doesn't come naturally. Don't get me wrong: it a bucket load of fun sometimes to play gay..<br />
<br />
It's almost like fate comes along and gives me a good kicking when it appears I might be forgeting what it means to be gay.<br />
<br />
My friend Chris shrieked in horror the other day when we were talking gay, drag and boots, when I admitted I'd never watched the movie <b>Kinky Boots</b>. Truth be told I'd never even heard of it. Suffice to say, it took her no more than a day to start the process of rectifying that.<br />
<br />
I don't review well.. but for those who might not have seen the movie - I stress - GO AND BLADDY WELL SEE IT. The word fabulous barely does it justice.<br />
<br />
[Soul Seared Dreamer sings: <i><b>These boots are made for walking. And someday these boots are gonna walk all over you</i></b>]Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-38099899382980150362009-08-30T09:47:00.002+01:002009-08-30T09:51:11.734+01:00SadnessI can't honestly say I'm back - but for some strange reason the desire to blog again has resurfaced and I won't fight it. Maybe it's a good thing.. maybe it means I'm getting back to my old self.. maybe its nothing more than boredom.<br /><br />What fills me with sadness about being around in the blogosphere again - is just how many blogs I followed, & loved, seem to have disappeared, or have simply been abandoned.Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-15751553274470564312009-08-28T18:12:00.001+01:002009-08-28T18:13:38.276+01:00RediscoveriesEveryone has a few favourite songs.. the origins of why they are so are often so insignificant that it is difficult to put a finger on it, or sometimes so momentous that the reasons are etched into the very depths of the song.<br /><br />Yet there are songs which have not graced my ears in soo very long, which, despite the harrowing effects of time I can still literally mouth word to word without so much as a mistake.. yet strangely I often struggle to recall things that are actually important like people’s names, birthdays, where we first met, what they were wearing yesterday, the length of their hair, secrets they shared with me.<br /><br />Having been born into a Western Country makes me take my understanding of the English language for granted sometimes. Strange thing with the English language is how words, sentences can only mean or imply a single meaning. It’s not often I sit there and attempt to interpret what is being said, or what a specific sentence means. It’s incredible how other languages aren’t actually like that. Hindi for instance can not be interpreted with any kind of ease, each word, each nuance, each sentence can mean a multiple of things. Each one unique to the interpreter’s own understanding, own philology, fluency and passion. The only true & accurate interpretation can come from the origin itself. <br /><br />I recall when I did the translation of two very specific songs from a Hindi film called Jodhaa Akbar: Jashn-e-Baharaa and In Lamhon Ke Daaman Mein. I literally put my heart and soul into deciphering what every single word meant. I lost count of the people I had to contact to get their interpretation of specific lyrics in those two. It was a mixture of Hindi and Urdu, and not basic Hindi and Urdu but Elite Hindi and Urdu, which surprisingly is very difficult from the casual basic variety. I felt like the only person who could honestly tell me would have been A. R. Rahman who composed those songs.<br /><br />It amazes me just how much I threw into that translation. I’ve done many others over the years but never one so tough and challenging; I can’t explain the satisfaction when I completed them.<br /><br />I was browsing Shell’s blog when I read a comment about her appreciate of music, and it made me think of two songs Zara Zara, from Rehna Hai Tere Dil Mein, and Kehna Hi Kya, from Bombay. I had both songs on my iPhone and whilst listening to Zara Zara I began writing the lyrics down in English. I knew I had already translated Kehna Hi Kya a while ago but never before had I attempted to do Zara Zara. I enjoyed every minute. Its great when you rediscover a hobby you really enjoyed but don’t do anymore.<br /><br />Here’s to rediscovering the things I don’t do anymore.Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-69462999123811369502009-08-25T21:54:00.002+01:002009-08-25T21:56:04.205+01:00DamnYou know you've been away too long when it's a struggle to remember your password.. damn!<br /><br />14 tries and I can't recall which one worked.. not a great start.Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-14003370339056373502009-02-24T09:43:00.005+00:002009-02-26T20:38:10.396+00:00The Wind That Shakes The BarleyHaving grown beyond its constraints.. the Butterfly emerges.. it's transition complete.. who would say that this creature could emerge from such a simple thing as a caterpillar. That's now I feel with the very world laying at my feet.<br /><br />I feel a few updates are necessary - this may or may not be relevant or interest you but oh well:<br /><br />1. I handed in my notice at work almost 3 months ago and finish working with my current employer in 3 more days. I'm sad to leave but the heart desired a greater challenge.<br /><br />2. I'll be starting a new job in April. Which gives me just over a month to acclimatise and relax and unwind and to this end I'll be ditching the UK shores & spending 2 weeks in Dubai and just under a week in Barcelona.<br /><br />3. Olli didn't call<br /><br />4. Cue S. S for clarification is the guy I met when I went to see a performance of Oliver Twist. <a href="http://www.thejayagenda.com/">Jay</a> bless was so not acting cool that night. But oh well everyone needs to be embarrassed once in a while. LOL.<br /><br />5. <a href="http://guyinlondontown.blogspot.com/">GIL</a> has invited me to the Science Museum tmrw night. Jay WILL be acting cool tmrw when S comes down to the Science Museum - which has a late opening for adults =)<br /><br />6. Jay leaves to return to New York Saturday =(<br /><br />Encoded on Ams' iPhoneSoul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-30065305401100231592009-01-30T21:38:00.003+00:002009-02-26T07:46:16.090+00:00MomentumWhen a boulder is stationary it has virtually no momentum. But give it but a slight push & the speed at which it picks up momentum is both spectacular & inevitable esp when it's on a slope.<br /><br />I am that boulder. But I don't feel particularly momentus at the moment.<br /><br />Trouble is I'm not sure I'm ready to be pushed.. but I hate regret more than anything else in the world & I refuse to live by any of the coulda, shoulda, woulda's that usually plague the minds of the many.. so whilst I was out & about.. in the spirit of forward momentum & networking I did something that surprised even me - I gave my number to a guy completely out of my league. The first time since my break-up. Momentus hardly feels adequate to describe it.<br /><br />Ultimately whether or not Olli chooses to call.. at least I went home without any regrets and a sense of winning a small victory.Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07520370189305983373noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-90881290549808937182009-01-21T12:29:00.002+00:002009-01-21T12:37:55.041+00:00New Year ResolutionsBlimey how on Earth has another year passed me by already? There is so much I have yet to do, so many things yet to see, so so so very many things.<br /><br />This is about the time of my yearly dit where I look back on the year gone.<br /><br />This has been one of the best & most interesting years of my life and at the same time the worse too.<br /><br />Whilst my initial meeting with X was a sexually charged cat & mouse game.. the relationship we now share has evolved well beyond that. He has earnt the rank & position of one of my dearest friends. He is akin to family now - that essentially sums up everything perfectly.<br /><br />With him (X) in my life many many others have come. Some have stayed.. some have gone. But the important ones have all stayed & my relationship with them all has gone from strenght to strenght. Through him I met the Twin. And well she merits a specific standalone mention.<br /><br />I met Charles this year too. I'll just say lessons have been learnt & leave it at that. However I do think he will forever define & shape my future relationships. But like they say 'live and learn'.<br /><br />Meeting <a href="http://vividintellect.blogspot.com/">Jules</a> & <a href="http://www.thejayagenda.com/">Jay</a> for the first time - no words there. So great.<br /><br />I suppose this now leaves the need to look forward. Unlike previous years I'm not gonna make a chain of New Year Resolutions but just a few:<br /><br />1. BE HAPPY<br />2. DRAW TANGIBLE BOUNDARIES WITH PEOPLE & FAMILY<br />3. PUT MYSELF FIRST MORE OFTEN<br /><br />Not sure how I'll achieve this but I'll be damned if I don't try.Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02678928359782830807noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-86241468291933235242008-12-26T17:54:00.009+00:002009-12-26T20:32:59.842+00:00Turkey TimeThis is slightly (read: majorly) overdue esp considering this post has been sitting idly on my phone since Oct. Here is a short outline of the trip (read: long nontheless) of the trip:<br />
<br />
<b>Day 1</b><br />
<br />
Well to say we had a chaotic start & end would be a huge understatement. The day started pretty crap as I felt like something one would scrape off the insides of a gutter.. saying I felt ill barely does justice. Anyways that aside, then came the flight, which involved these 2 brats sitting behind me constantly kicking the seat. After about 20 mins my patience completely worn out I was forced to tell their mother to control them (how difficult is it for a parent to notice their kids disturbing others.. I'd never let my niece disturb anyone like that).. with those harsh words said she moved them to another seat. Thank the Lord as I was ready to murder them by that point.<br />
<br />
Having arrived in Turkey I realized that the Holiday Travel Agent had cocked up the transfer and I was left to wait again until my patience wore thin and I yelled at the gezzer who asked me to wait to one side for almost an hour. I'm tired, frustrated & bored and he gets my temper at it's peak - FYI it's 5am by this time. I swiftly find my family and I on a coach headed to the hotel. Result or what? I do however hate losing my temper.. as a Leo I'm like fire incarnate and it's not a pretty sight.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhksPGe-YkEB7TiWZaWBsLOteg_DKR-RJP6vZoj2M1fHYk4gJCvpmX9HjjyvmqhQYQBKFiE6nffCZHrTKxFiUrDQBzyJege3RkqX2P6uczB8EOzLk6OSSE9bIvOtsR2vDO30OHdgnINOoo/s1600-h/IMG_0294.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284163396377271746" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhksPGe-YkEB7TiWZaWBsLOteg_DKR-RJP6vZoj2M1fHYk4gJCvpmX9HjjyvmqhQYQBKFiE6nffCZHrTKxFiUrDQBzyJege3RkqX2P6uczB8EOzLk6OSSE9bIvOtsR2vDO30OHdgnINOoo/s400/IMG_0294.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 400px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 300px;" /></a><b>Day 2</b><br />
<br />
Having endured the maximum amount of shit I can deal with the previous day I'm determined to make this day work for me.<br />
<br />
With the holiday rep turning up 40 mins late for the Welcome Meeting.. I find myself pretty annoyed. But lucky for her by the time she arrives my anger & annoyance has subsided and she doesn't bear any of my frustration. I find out from her the cost of excursions. I approximate what we want to cover and I'm dissapointed when I realize there isn't enough time to take a trip to Rhodes (which is quite nearby). With that in mind we head off to Marmaris town center by bus and I realize that I could have walked there in 20 mins. We find a travel agent and barter our excursions using the prices the Rep gave us as an anchor. I'm pleased as we've managed to save ourselves £100. Here is a picture of the gezzer who helped us sleeping when we walked in.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHNz4iMibqaMINTaJUiQVfisGqpWmPXNTZag95hVsJc_i0AnpQQu2pnuH1-HEHASsJo_Kt1XbVRo1SdujSzHZLA3aHnYeyyVrU5u1OcCqWSYl45OVvPZ4Oo5QdRyvWvqF5HtyM7qsM4Fg/s1600-h/IMG_0306.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284162680291733506" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiHNz4iMibqaMINTaJUiQVfisGqpWmPXNTZag95hVsJc_i0AnpQQu2pnuH1-HEHASsJo_Kt1XbVRo1SdujSzHZLA3aHnYeyyVrU5u1OcCqWSYl45OVvPZ4Oo5QdRyvWvqF5HtyM7qsM4Fg/s400/IMG_0306.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 400px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 300px;" /></a><br />
On the return my mum glares at me when I suggest we walk back to the hotel, so we catch a bus back. Not even 3 stops later my aunt says she wants to go to a shop we just passed so we hop off the bus and I'm pleased that we walk the rest of the way back FYI I love walking (more so when the sun was shining like it was).<br />
<br />
<b>Day 3</b><br />
<br />
We take a tour to Ephesus. It's a Greek built city that has only recently been excavated. It's simmers with history. I loved every second of it despite the intense wind causing the worse kind of bad hair days. It houses one of the Ancient Wonders of the World & it's breathtaking.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDHjUhWA2Kj5Bkl93YdmvadFbFliovlzwfvDOqhv4NKblR7fDVhXXz_1wls_Vtd1YRKzlqADRLujfHPn80ulw-RHJ7Rsd6b1d3LSsuo5-f60g4V-06GyeNIFJwu0ESBx4-13wyXbP2he4/s1600-h/IMG_0449.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284164110240365138" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhDHjUhWA2Kj5Bkl93YdmvadFbFliovlzwfvDOqhv4NKblR7fDVhXXz_1wls_Vtd1YRKzlqADRLujfHPn80ulw-RHJ7Rsd6b1d3LSsuo5-f60g4V-06GyeNIFJwu0ESBx4-13wyXbP2he4/s400/IMG_0449.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 300px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;" /></a> Thus ended day 1 of a 2-day excursion so we "overnight" (term used by our Guide) at a hotel in Pamukale. Since the hotel we are staying at overlooks the Calcium formations & the city of Heiropolis - my aunt & I take an evening stroll.. amazing barely does it justice. Mum pooped out and insisted on going to bed (with due respect it's now almost 12am & we have an early 6am start the next day) but my aunt & I are geared to make the most of any & every situation when in a foreign Country.<br />
<br />
<b>Day 3</b><br />
<br />
We walk through Pamukale. It's a natural spring so the waters are 36degrees. We sunbathe, swim and soak up our feet in the hot waters. An idylic day. We head back to our actual hotel back in Marmaris in the evening.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZBUC-YT3GBK1E1QidB15FvJBJd0501BhV99TWcv6KbH0ps4CKG7t61oOj604PWcFEQi92hvcD6OWhl-MlxyPEpD6EX-Wj9NXjol7VICJPEPSbvBtebw77Fby3-1mrjTn9BxNU8DZL8A4/s1600-h/IMG_0522.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284165236555461618" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgZBUC-YT3GBK1E1QidB15FvJBJd0501BhV99TWcv6KbH0ps4CKG7t61oOj604PWcFEQi92hvcD6OWhl-MlxyPEpD6EX-Wj9NXjol7VICJPEPSbvBtebw77Fby3-1mrjTn9BxNU8DZL8A4/s400/IMG_0522.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 300px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;" /></a><b>Day 4</b><br />
<br />
We grace the Turkish Baths in the morning. Since I have my family with me & I know how body conscious they are I opt for a private VIP one. It was expensive but I knew it'd be more hygienic and that the two ladies would prefer the cleanest Turkish bath possible. Plus with VIP they could be a little more fussy and demand that a woman do the scrubbing & washing instead of a man. I get the decent looking chap scrubbing & washing me. It was highly erotic and I'm impressed that 'it that has a mind of it's own' controlled itself. Very impressed esp considering the guy had straddled me whilst scrubbing my inner thighs with his hands underneath my shorts and face hovering over my crotch.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF-166uPa2Qbk_sQtjEV2Z3A3PkxWOTBaZVydC4RCy6mGPmB9Wb8yZBC2nGAOyVISk4u-xWk7-SWQvlstdqmHpa1AFNgqZHn9K55EpGYd76lYGvxsFoQ7_47HW0uhyphenhyphen-8ehYNkQZ4REf2g/s1600-h/DSCF0321.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284166352484536082" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiF-166uPa2Qbk_sQtjEV2Z3A3PkxWOTBaZVydC4RCy6mGPmB9Wb8yZBC2nGAOyVISk4u-xWk7-SWQvlstdqmHpa1AFNgqZHn9K55EpGYd76lYGvxsFoQ7_47HW0uhyphenhyphen-8ehYNkQZ4REf2g/s400/DSCF0321.JPG" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 300px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;" /></a><br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR2aqi2W_TmP3NHq0L00bAiVGx5T9yGY4EnW6gCWHp0NvbgZ1Gqidvo1rJX3sSHsNEd4O_ug7eW_gUrVsEsdXco-EPUdd1_PezTcYe-QG7gpqj5v_wo91MfE0zt646wn7Fztk0Q9y7ONI/s1600-h/DSCF0328.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284166032465604578" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjR2aqi2W_TmP3NHq0L00bAiVGx5T9yGY4EnW6gCWHp0NvbgZ1Gqidvo1rJX3sSHsNEd4O_ug7eW_gUrVsEsdXco-EPUdd1_PezTcYe-QG7gpqj5v_wo91MfE0zt646wn7Fztk0Q9y7ONI/s400/DSCF0328.JPG" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 400px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 300px;" /></a>The evening was our "Turkish Night". Bellydancing & other Turkish stlyed entertainment filled the eve. Here is one of my favourites bits from the night: <br />
<div align="center"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dwXEqY8CazH68K-EQCTIkDToAvLEQd2Fsw8hVRXLElfRgMeW5H2D218vTTb9a5iNhhZSuX8E_26CeMF_dk-fg' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br />
</div>My aunt wasn't too impressed by the attention the male (& clearly gay) bellydancer plastered on me. See here part of his initial routine.<br />
<br />
<div align="center"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.blogger.com/video.g?token=AD6v5dxix0z7eEMmZEMo4KHzWnpGCTkefANnIsInJu476pYMWCpHwEysGhwk9O4-CvrsWA6n640cT2UAN2teYW3tpg' class='b-hbp-video b-uploaded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br />
</div>In the middle of his dance piece he stopped, looked me straight in the eyes and did 'nameste' (the traditional Indian greeting.. where one puts both palms together and inclines the head) and laughed heartily when I inclined my head in return. A sign of mutual respect and acknowledgement. Immediately after his dance he raced over to me first and hugged me with a warmth only gay people reserve for other people. My aunt was not best pleased with this but even she couldn't help but laugh.<br />
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<b>Day 5</b><br />
<br />
We did Icmelar Market & a City tour. We stopped at a Gold Centre where one really cute Turkish guy started talking to me. We talked about work and life in London compared to Turkey. We spoke for a good 20mins. I was a bit taken aback when he asked me if I had a girlfriend. I said no. He looked into my eyes with intensity and burning curiosity but sensing this conversation was about to nosedive I bid him farewell immediately and dashed. It's not the first time recently I've pulled away from such attention from guys. I'm hoping that'll change in time.<br />
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At the Leather Showroom later, some bloke from the showroom dragged me onto the Catwalk despite me being in shorts to don a leather jacket. Imagine how funny I must have looked with low cut cream shorts, a wafer thin yellow Mr Men tee-shirt and then an expensive leather evening jacket on top.<br />
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At the Halwa shop I finally got a respite and wasn't focused on. The marina offered the most perfect pictures ever.<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiYnDmSthTgTu0HO3mfB2rfJ4d6aceX1pzXi6dgjhJFhFjPLrGeXMwUgHZF8mXi78bVysO5eytF8zU98BM4EjBmiCyfEMLqr-1sZSdCcWBryCNrWrUEpKhY_Bmy51pWqqiBclXv2uAe_o/s1600-h/DSCF0366.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284174915002467602" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiYnDmSthTgTu0HO3mfB2rfJ4d6aceX1pzXi6dgjhJFhFjPLrGeXMwUgHZF8mXi78bVysO5eytF8zU98BM4EjBmiCyfEMLqr-1sZSdCcWBryCNrWrUEpKhY_Bmy51pWqqiBclXv2uAe_o/s400/DSCF0366.JPG" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 300px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;" /></a>Finally at the Market I got more attention than I would have personally liked but still it was good on the ego. One cute guy took off my tee-shirt (which I only realised he was planning to do after it was off) - he was merely inspecting the material and design and then simply pulled it off and ran off without so much as a backward glance. I was standing there with my jaw hanging open, topless and the tourists around me delighted that this sleepy market had some soul afterall. FYI: He did bring it back a short while later. But by this time the story of the market stall owner running off with my tee had made me a minor celebrity. We traveled from one side of the Market to the other and everyone had something to say on my Mr Noisy tee. Very funny it was. My favourite quote of the day was when the market stall owner yelled out at me: "Yo Mr Noisy come here, everything is cheaper than shop-lifting".<br />
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In the evening I got a haircut, a Turkish shave (where the bastard put a lighter to my ears and burnt the fine ear hair) & then had my eyebrows shaped. I swear the whole experience hurt worse than when I got my tattoo. It just made me so glad I'm not a woman. Here is a picture that still makes me go ouch*:<br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOYlMt1k64wx7qAiUjSLdAID_j6FyhK8N_ekDyQsI6EQz8Y6tU6Lb-qlD1ftara9b-gbAaPKDoc3OYgkJW8G9qgAjpMsPDKni5AGYKldRIQxAlvevCSx07yAcs5mCd8wwqfKIUuDBfLdU/s1600-h/DSCF0469.JPG"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284171959655687106" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOYlMt1k64wx7qAiUjSLdAID_j6FyhK8N_ekDyQsI6EQz8Y6tU6Lb-qlD1ftara9b-gbAaPKDoc3OYgkJW8G9qgAjpMsPDKni5AGYKldRIQxAlvevCSx07yAcs5mCd8wwqfKIUuDBfLdU/s400/DSCF0469.JPG" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 300px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;" /></a>* - this is the scars two days later :o(<br />
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<b>Day 6</b><br />
<br />
We went to the Daylan Mudbath.. which in itself is a story, as well as the Turtle Beach, where I wrote "AMIT SAYS HELLO" in the sand. When we passed by the beach in the evening (a good 8 hours later) it was still there (I wonder if it's still there or if it might be the first thing a baby turtle sees when it crawls out from the sand). Nice. We didn't see any actual loggerhead turtles though :o( but I had him to keep me visually occupied:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguE_vDgd4K02yxylsmgKXEjdx7Gk7MaknlR8Yj8of5ka71118gCnrPYvKLlE_IIsIwUSoTxjbmqKoBaGsCbre7KmXVH_stQA_CY_vDdXx5-Je5mwtqJ0AtvNpIX7PheCqzatucSCnHCzY/s1600-h/IMG_0554.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284171118315561394" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguE_vDgd4K02yxylsmgKXEjdx7Gk7MaknlR8Yj8of5ka71118gCnrPYvKLlE_IIsIwUSoTxjbmqKoBaGsCbre7KmXVH_stQA_CY_vDdXx5-Je5mwtqJ0AtvNpIX7PheCqzatucSCnHCzY/s400/IMG_0554.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 300px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;" /></a>Whilst I said it's a story in itself, here are the main bits of the mudbaths. We were given an hour to enjoy the mudbaths.. obviously the ladies took 15 mins getting into their swimwear.<br />
<br />
The crunch point was that the changing cabins had no door just a gap in the straw (yes as in a straw hut which was see-through in many areas. Now I'm quite shameless anyway so I flung on my trunks (I need me a nice tight pair of Aussiebums) without so much as a blink of an eye and dived into the mud and covered myself and my aunt in sludge. My mum had changed into her swimwear and then realized that there was no way she wanted the agony of enduring the shame of changing and showering here so she returned to the cabin and donned her clothes.<br />
<br />
Whilst dunking in the mud-pool I realized that everyone else was using the muddy water and there was no actual mud.. after searching I found some settled mud in a corner of the pool so I dug deep and scooped the mud out so that my aunt and I could aptly cover our skin. Upon emerging from the mud people noted that we were the only ones covered in actual mud so instantly we became akin to celebraties & random strangers started photographing & filming us. I now know how it feels to have paparazzi trying to "capture" you. Pity for them that both my aunt and I do not have picture perfect bodies.<br />
<br />
When the tour guide started yelling at us to get into the shower & start washing my aunt and I headed into the showers (read: cold no privacy open air sprinklers not real showers) and attempted to wash. The mud however was so thick it would barely peel with the force of the sprinkler. We scrubbed (my aunt in her swimwear and me in my trunks) and when my patience wore out I pulled my trunks off which resulted in very noticable staring from men & women alike, and attempted to get the mud off the now revealed skin. It was much easier sans the clothes. My aunt merely raised her eyebrow.. having lived with me for so long I think she is used to how blasé I am about nudity. Anyways after I'd stripped I noted an unfit & old man pull his trunks down to reveal his wrinkly bum (eeek that bum really should not be seeing the light of day anymore) and scrub. It was very funny. Similarly a woman in her late forties stripped (again parts of her should not be allowed to see the light of day either).<br />
<br />
Having showered I returned to the seating area where I has left my clothes I noticed several people men and women changing here there and everywhere. It was like a nudist camp. I dropped my towel (again cue the staring) and changed into a clean and dry pair of shorts. My aunt however made her way back to the straw cabin slash changing hut (umm that's the see-through ones I mentioned earlier LMAO.. that's all I'm saying) and changed. By this time however my aunt and I were the only ones still here (from our group that is) and everyone had made their way back to the boat (making us late again). Back on the boat came out the body butter, the face moisturizer, the deoderant, the lip balm, & the scents. The girls sitting in front smiling all the time.. clearly knowing only too well the price of looking beautiful. And thus ended the trip to Dalyan.<br />
<br />
<b>Day 7</b><br />
<br />
The final day. Packing and manicures! LOL. I had arranged manicures for the final morning for the two lovely ladies. We woke early as there was much to pack and breakfast to be had before we had to check out of the hotel.<br />
<br />
Clearly as normal I provided entertainment onboard the shuttle bus - everyone realized there was a step.. all except me obviously. Note that I had tripped not just the once (as then there would have been no joke) but 4 times as I entered or left the bus (going up or down it) and worse was I tripped on the blasted step very audibly each time.. and as a result everyone on the bus chorus'd "mind the step" everytime I approached the step. It was so funny. On leaving the bus at the airport I took a bow on the blasted step and everyone applauded. And that folks is my last Turkish memory. Here is the infamous step:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg071u0pElEdt98lYlT1eNB603oB9TibrE5bc_GfCmndN4jvEwnpoI5SVIk3JRx99fSqJYEt-YBjMWlHJH_lXDqBxZ8wpp_1XIOrWM2YwbgvFTztHXo4qItisNfg9cd9zAlmzdKNP4P2Pw/s1600-h/IMG_0556.jpg"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5284170467311532594" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg071u0pElEdt98lYlT1eNB603oB9TibrE5bc_GfCmndN4jvEwnpoI5SVIk3JRx99fSqJYEt-YBjMWlHJH_lXDqBxZ8wpp_1XIOrWM2YwbgvFTztHXo4qItisNfg9cd9zAlmzdKNP4P2Pw/s400/IMG_0556.jpg" style="cursor: hand; display: block; height: 300px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;" /></a>Encoded on Ams' iPhoneSoul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02678928359782830807noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-23215106227751439442008-12-21T16:20:00.000+00:002008-12-21T16:30:11.427+00:00Blog ChangesHmmm I've been a shite blogger recently and things ought to get better now (I hope).<br /><br />I've tinkered about with the settings of the blog so I'm somewhat comfortable with it now.<br /><br />I've disabled the post feed function - I know some people do use that but for reasons I'm not really wanting to highlight here I'd rather this was a disabled function (at the moment anyways) so my apologies for this.<br /><br />Further to that, I've also disabled the archive facility and thus the ability to go through my previous posts is not possible.<br /><br />My iPhone has created the need for another alter-ego to access my own blog (don't even ask) so you'll note there are now 2 Soul Seared Dreamers around... both ultimately do lead back here (I think they do)<br /><br />And finally something that has chafed me right from the onset (and is one of the reasons why I've not been blogging much).. is the current invitation-only restriction and at present I'm toying with the idea of removing it. I've not decided yet but I do think it likely that I will do so.Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02678928359782830807noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-66851029515636626272008-10-13T12:16:00.001+01:002008-10-13T12:17:40.586+01:00Ache of a Bleeding HeartI'm resisting. Damn.. how hard it is that I'm resisting is difficult to convey herewith.. the desire to just say the things that ought to be said is overwhelming but I won't rise to his bait.. I will not nitpick every slanderous comment he makes. Afterall I've outgrown the hair-pulling & name-calling antics of school kids. And I'm well above simple taunts. <br /><br />As I stated in my previous post.. I've recently been on holiday. A much needed respite from my recent bitter-giltedged life.. and jeez it was good. Just what I needed. My next post will be about that but for now I have another topic in mind as you might have noticed. <br /><br />Now when one has been blogging for a while it's hardly surprising when bloggers start coming together. A fellow blogger who is a trust-worthy & decent individual is a mutual friend to both Charles & I. We'll call this individual Judgement. Thing with me is that I've never asked anyone to refrain from speaking, emailing, texting or meeting up with Charles.. just coz I have a grievance with Charles I can't see why that would impact anyone else's dealings with him. I'm above that. In fact I've specifically told all of my mates that have met him that I'm alright with them keeping in touch with him. I'd prefer that they didn't but I'm not about to tell them that. That's a decision each person is entitled to make themselves. <br /><br />I had thought I had made myself clear on that. So I was taken aback when I received numerous calls, emails & texts from mutual friend Judgement in somewhat of a panicked state finally the text reading "ring me now" made me pick up the phone immediately. Normally when I'm on holiday I prefer being unreachable. When I rang Judgement.. I was given a breakdown of Charles' recent actions/activities on his blog. <br />What Charles chooses to say on his blog really doesn't bother me so I thanked Judgement for said concern but said it wasn't warranted.. for those that read both blogs I refer herewith to the post about the laptop (I don't have a link as I choose not to read his blog). I believe he has granted me access to his blog but I have not tested it recently.. I only figured out that I had access when I accidentally clicked a link one day and was able to view his blog. I chose to hit backspace and continue as if that hadn't happened. A personal choice. <br /><br />What I didn't have an answer for was Judgement's question: "why do you tolerate Charles bad-mouthing you". <br /><br />I had much to say to Judgement but only replied with "he's welcome to say whatever he wants.. I know the truth so I at least can attempt to sleep peacefully at night". <br /><br />"He has said some awful things about you on his blog and other other's blogs" Judgement tells me. I know this as I've read slanderous comments he has left on the blogs I've followed for ages. I'm not sure what Judgement expected me to say in return or understand why I was so blasé about it all.. maybe Judgement expected me to ask what exactly was being said. I didn't. So after a while Judgement said "Can I ask you something?" <br /><br />"Of course buddy.. but I'm not promising that I'll answer." It's a very typical me answer. <br /><br />"What I don't get is why he slags you off.. what do you think he thinks he is achieving. On one hand he says you were the worse boyfriend ever.. and on the other that he'd do anything to get you back. He is a walking enigma." <br /><br />Not quite a question I realize but that's what Judgement asks. I chose to evade the question, the last thing I want to get into is a conversation about Charles' faults. So I reply with "LOL. You can't use the word enigma.. that's my word." <br /><br />"You're trying to change the subject. OK sod it. You win. I'll say no more. You borrowed his laptop right?" I assume this was the question Judgement wanted to ask.. and it felt every bit a leading question. <br /><br />Confused as to how Judgement knows that - I answer attempting to nip this topic in the bud "Yeah. He was really there for me and gave it to me when my computer stopped working but when we broke up I didn't want to keep it so I gave it back" <br /><br />Judgement pauses and I sense the hesitation before he says "You're not gonna wanna know this but he's recovered all the files you deleted" <br /><br />I must admit Judgement was right.. I definitely didn't want or need to know that. The truth is it hardly surprised me.. I've dated the guy so I know only to well how obsessive & controlling he can be. This is typical Charles behaviour. Assuming he'd find some dirt on me. One can only find dirt when some exists. I rest assured that nothing was even on that laptop that could fuel his delusions. After our first date he told me things that made it crystal clear he was using the Internet to stalk everything I had "out there". In fact that should have been the first warning sign but at the time I put it down to his curiosity. He even located a comment I had made on a Pokemon forum back in my teens.. which not even I can find myself anymore. <br /><br />Slightly disturbed now with Charles I reply with "It's fine. I had some songs, some pictures, my Warcraft & iTunes account, and my book (which I must admit I wish he didn't have) so nothing which I'm particularly stressed about. But thanks for telling me. Is there anything else?" <br /><br />Maybe my tone was a little off and so for that I apologise to Judgement herewith.<br /><br />"He says you caused a scene at his workplace.. what's that all about" Judgement asks me. <br /><br />"Ummm. He came to my workplace and dropped off his front doors keys. When I realised what he had done I returned them to the reception of his workplace. I said nothing more than 'please pass this onto Charles' to the receptionist and walked away. Anyways Judgement I better go this call is costing me both my arms & a leg" I say with my finger hovering over the end call button. <br /><br />"He thinks you went on holiday with X." Judgement practically yells at me before my finger can cancel the call. If silence can be loud.. at this moment it is deafening. <br /><br />He's floored me. I'm shocked and outraged. I've tried my level best to ensure that Charles can't keep tabs on me. I've even restricted my blog which goes against my entire blog's motto. I'm floored as to how he has figured out I'm on holiday. I feel my voice waver and I know that if I am to talk it won't hold so I give myself a few moments to recover. My stomach turns and my mind races. Silly thoughts and questions like "is someone who has access to my blog spying on me for him" fill my mind. Then I realize I have an "out of office" autoreply on my work email address. He's obviously made up a new email address again to get around the blocks I have on all his other emails he's used. He must be using that and the international ringing when he dails my mobile. A familiar bell rings in my head & I switch off. My sarcasm flares.. "I did." <br /><br />Judgement pauses.. obviously thinking this was a serious conversation. But I sense that Judgement isn't sure if I'm messing around or not. <br /><br />I feel like I should release Judgement from the snare I've unwittingly snared Judgement in. "I did. My mother is really X in disguise." I can't help but laugh. I physically laugh out loud. That is the level of Charles' delusions that even when I'm on holiday with my family in his mind I'm with X. <br /><br />I find that the anger and annoyance that was coursing through me quickly turns into pity. I actually felt pity for him in that moment - in order to elicit sympathy he is making up such shite on his blog. And then I feel grateful that the more outrageous the allegations and slanderous the comments the easier he makes moving on for me. <br /><br />I bid Judgement farewell. I jokingly thank him for ruining my holiday - but in actual fact it had the opposite effect. I feel free from it. Above it all. Strange that.<br /><br />Judgement's call simply made think that I'm just really glad that I've now broken my ties with him. I do wish him luck with whoever next tickles his fancy. In fact I'm really looking forward to the day I'm not the focal point of all his delusions & obsessions. But deep down I know that I will feel for the person who enters his life.. especially considering I've had to endure the darker side to his character & personality and I hope and pray that no one has to endure that side of him. Maybe just maybe.. he'll get a better boyfriend than me and live happily ever after.<br /><br />Sent from my iPhoneSoul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02678928359782830807noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-34815337961201916502008-09-23T17:21:00.000+01:002008-09-23T17:36:23.379+01:00Milano BabyMilan baby. The Dreamer is off to Milan tmrw. Woo hoo. Well its just for the day... but who cares? Right now my philosophy is: one should never resist spending well earned money on ones self. Plus its like Fashion week or something I'm told and that can never be a bad time to go to Milan.<br /><br />The week after that I have a week-long trip to Turkey. Recent circumstances have had me to my wits end with certain people but there are days where I feel like a new dawn is just around the corner.. others unfortunately where it feels like there is no end to the sucky life that seems to linger on me like a bad smell. So with all that in mind Turkey is gonna be heaven - I'm gonna leave my phone at home and pretend the world doesn't exist anymore. It will be fab.<br /><br />Plus in November, the Sardinian gang is headed to Amsterdam (woo hoo) for a long weekend - well except <a href="http://aarbee.blogspot.com/">Rahul</a> who will be the exception but he claims he can't come and has some valid reasoning (in his mind anyway).<br /><br />I'm finally getting caught up with the blogs I've been neglecting recently. My iPhone is certainly helping as it means that I can catch up on a few blogs during my train journey home. I think there are still 2/3 I still need to frequent and update the blogroll to the ones I've missed out. What ever happened to Kev in NZ? Has anyone got a link to his blog - I can't seem to locate mine anymore :o(<br /><br />Anyways better dash - just got in from Excel Training (which was such a waste of my department's training budget but at least I had a day off work) and I've yet to kick back in joggers.<br /><br />Kisses to all xXxSoul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02678928359782830807noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9199437229256974492.post-32810031122041489172008-09-17T18:02:00.000+01:002008-09-17T18:07:54.497+01:00FirstiesWell one of my greatest regrets in starting my first blog was my opening post got virtually no mention of it being the first post. Since this is hardly my first post.. rather it would be my 223rd post - it hardly seems appropriate. Oh well. Guess that regret still stands.<br /><br />I'm wagering that some of you would be aware of the reasons behind the disappearance of SSD behind a veiled curtain here but if not that story will remain untold until another day - I'm hardly about to taint my new blog with such misery - this blog is all about looking forward and moving on and I'm not gonna sit here and wallow on what is to me ancient history. Maybe there will be a day that happens - but that day definitely isn't today.<br /><br />Today is merely about invites and tinkering with settings and layouts.Soul Seared Dreamerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02678928359782830807noreply@blogger.com19