The Muddy Waters of '09

As the end of 2009 creeps closer and closer the sum of the highs & lows of the year gone comes crashing down on me like a tidal wave. What can I say on how this year has fared?

This year like many before it, has been an evolutionary journey of self-discovery, grit, frustrations, love, successes and failures, amongst many other things. Each step on the rung of the ladder has highlighted the need to establish priorities and find balance with the multiple aspects of my life.

Whilst I have struggled with some destructive relationships I also found love in the most unexpected of places, in the most unexpected of people this year.  I have made new friends, built indestructable foundations with some, lost or walked away from few, but worse I have neglected some, and sadly I don't think there has been a shortage of these this year. I will ensure that the New Year brings appropriate changes to that front. This year has seen me rid myself of some bad habits, some bigger, more noticable than others.

Mentally & emotionally this year has been a turbulent ride. I feel like the more I reach out and try to hold on to things from my past and present the faster they slip away.

Things I've learnt this year:
- It will take me a long time to become the person I want to be.
- I'm capable of continuing on long after what I think I am
  capable of.
- People who love me dearly, sometimes don't know how to
  show it.
- People who I love dearly, don't always know.
- It isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes I
  have to learn to forgive myself.

Now, I eagerly await the birth of 2010.

For all those that stop here, I wish you a successful New Year. Wishing you all laughter, happiness, love, health and prosperity.

Peace

Sent from Ams' iPhone

Butterfly

There are millions of butterflies
Yet only one I call a friend

There are a thousand reasons why
But I can only think of one

It’s the only one that called me broken
Yet it said it liked me

Only broken butterflies can’t fly after all
It thinks me strange

I trapped it in a jar
Couldn’t bear to let it go

But then I saw it shed a tear
So I let it go

But it said maybe I needed a friend
So it refused to fly away

I leaned in and said go fly away
Go be with those like you

It shook its head and bit its wings off
It held them out

For you so you can be free it said
Then it fell asleep

There might be a million butterflies
Yet only one I called a friend

Pleasant Surprises

I’d like to think I know my friends pretty well. But there are always moments when one says something that even in a million years you’d never have been expected or even been prepared for.

Hmm I’ve kinda lost track of the names I’ve given some friends for blog purposes, but for the illustration of this post, we’ll call said friend Yazelda.

Several months ago, Yazelda invited me and a few other close friends to his place for a sleepover. Now hold tight for this statement: But as a kid I was never really allowed to partake in anything resembling a sleepover – unless it was family. So as an aspect of my repressed childhood I usually leap at suggestions of sleepovers - invitation in hand off I went (old familial restrictions no longer hold sway with me).

So as part of the evening entertainment – we decided to play “Truth or Dare”. Now there was a time ago where the idea of playing such a game (and the dares that could ensue) would have had me trembling in fear but the years have made me coarser, blunter, less reserved, shameless and more confident.

I don’t think I got any dares or truths that even came close to making me blush but what caught me off guard was when someone asked Yazelda the question ‘with exception of your boyfriend, who in this room would you go out with?’ (maybe it was have sex with.. I don’t recall)’.

Now as far as I’m concerned Yazelda is by far the best looking guy in the room.

Now with several good looking guys in the room – the Dancer, the Italian (I’ve definitely mentioned him before), the PR Boi (cute and sweet), and Lips (damn the guy has the brightest pink lips I’ve ever seen - FYI the second best looking guy in room after Yazelda in my opinion) – I’m therefore totally unprepared when yazelda says ‘Amit’. I was expecting him to say Lips or Dancer.

I’m sure I’ve misheard. I know I don’t look like a troll but I don’t expect to be picked over Lips or the Dancer. I just don’t. It's only when he looks up and smiles that it sinks in that he did indeed say me.

Strange. That really really did surprise me.

Just goes to show that you should never think someone is out of your league. Takes me back to high school.. when I fancied this girl called V. Man I dotted over this girl for over four years, and on the fifth year of knowing her, when the crush had lost its hold.. I was a little drunk when I turned to her in a pub, took hold of her shoulders, looked her in level in the eye and said ‘You know.. you might not have ever known this. But I had the biggest crush on you in high school’. She kept her gaze level and said ‘Well you might not have known this but I had a crush on you too back then.’

So the motto is: Never hold back. If you fancy someone, or ever fancied someone that doesn’t know.. do yourself a favour and go tell them. You never know what the result will be.

Congrats

Is this a dream? Yes yes yes it is..

He leaned in closer and they gazed into each other's eyes.

"What you looking at?" One said to the other.
"Have I told you that you have the most amazing eyes"
"Who me? Nah that's just you being cheesy"
"Shuddup fool. Why is it so hard for you to take a compliment?"
"I dunno. I don't see myself in the same light you claim to see me in"
"You always were a little crazy. So what did you wanna ask me?"
"This might sound kind of crazy but why don't we move in together?"
"No"
"No?"
"Yeah. No"
"Why not?"
"Coz I have a better idea"
"Really? And what's that?"
"Marry me!"
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah"

I guess I should say congratulations.