I’m not so young or unaware that people often say really stupid
things. I’ve been known to say stupid things to and I’m sure everyone
knows someone who speaks without thinking or just says the daftest
things. But picture this, you know you are a public figure; you might
even be running for a prominent political or religious position, then
where the hell is the thought process that filters the crap that comes
out of your mouth. Really if you are looking to be in a position of
influence or high public visibility there definitely needs to be a
very distinct brain to mouth control. I know I shouldn’t be but I’m
really bothered by the latest crap I’m hearing being discussed about
legitimate rape. I’m sorry but there is no such thing as an
illegitimate rape, a fucking rape, is still a fucking rape. Picture this: you’re in a club or bar or wherever you go to hook up
with or meet people. Let’s assume for this scenario you are both the
legal age for consensual sex and alcohol. You see someone that you’re
interested in and they seem to be interested in you too.
Unsurprisingly you both lean in kiss, have a few more drinks than you
ought to and before you know it you’ve gone home together. The
question is how much of that decision has been influenced by alcohol
or any other intoxicating substance, and would you have done this
sober? Scenario 1: After having had sex, do you turn to face the other person
with guilt/remorse/disgust? Whatever the emotion, regretting the
actions that lead you here let’s say you turn away, hoping the other
person will have left by the time morning dawns. Come morning you wake
to find the other person having sex with you again. You protest, try
to pull away, but your forced back down, and told to enjoy it like you
did the night before. Afraid, yet regretful you lie back to await your
fate. Scenario 2: Once you get home, you go to the bathroom to freshen up,
and you’re a smart person, so while you are splashing water on your
face you think about the consequences of your actions. Do you have any
idea who his person is, do they have a STD, a criminal record, or
maybe you’ve just changed your mind, might be the person you see in
the light of day looks and feels different from the person in the
darkness of the club a few hours ago. You tell the person you’ve
changed your mind, and to leave. Instead the person ignores your words
and continues nonetheless for the task you both come here for. Maybe
the person is too drunk or sexual to understand what it is they are
doing to you. Maybe the person doesn’t care. Scenario 3: You are married. You’ve had an awful day at work, and you
just want to go to bed and pretend this day never happened. Before
you’ve fallen asleep your partner comes from home, and initiates sex,
you say no, that you’re not in the mood. Your partner doesn’t care,
they want to have sex and as the lawful partner you are required to
give it up. Your partner forces themselves onto you and you give in as
you don’t have the will or energy to fight today, the day has drained
you completely. You oblige unwilling or willing, it’s irrelevant,
truth is you didn’t want this, not today. In my world, and realistically (it should be in everyone else’s world
too), all three scenarios lead to rape. The issue of legitimacy really
doesn’t come into it. Legal partner, or random stranger, rape is rape.
No should mean no, whatever the circumstance. And people should be
able to say no, and know that the no should carry weight. The great tragedy about human interaction is there always depth to
people, misunderstandings, miscommunications, regrets, and people
changing their minds. I read someone’s article the other day and she
made the most horrific statement, and whilst it is horrific it is hard
to deny how truth it was. “There are also going to always be people
who are capable of and will carry out sexual assault or rape”.
And it’s those people who should be prosecuted to the fullest and
hardest extend of the law. So yeah, when someone who doesn’t
understand how consensual sex or rape works, it does make me mad.
Really, really mad. I never have, and probably never will suffer fools
gladly. Anyways final thought - maybe it’s important to remember or understand
that if someone is intoxicated, they are NOT CAPABLE of consenting in
any circumstances. If someone you are sexually active with is
intoxicated, let me make it clear you are taking advantage of them. OK.. vent over.
It’s been a while since I logged into a dating site, it’s been even longer since I’ve been on a proper date. I’ve been introduced to a few people over dinner here and there, but I’m talking about proper butterflies in your stomach anticipation nervous date here, and it’s been a while since I had a date like that.
Somewhere down the road and I can’t even put my thumb on it, I just simply stopped dating. The furthest I went was admiring someone from afar. And even him (or her sometimes) barely got a smile from me. Something strange happened several weeks ago, I was on my way to Denmark Hill and a young chap was seated to the left of me. I could see from the corner of my eye, every so often he was looking at me. At the risk of sounding up my own bum hole it happens quite often, I catch the eye of someone and they simply can’t stop from looking :P I’m usually fairly unbothered by it, it’s happened since I was in my teens and sooner or later you just become immune to it. This was initially no different. Except right at the end, when we got to the station, he locked eyes with me and gave me a smile. Not a forced smile, a really nice genuinely warm smile. Strange I didn’t recognise or acknowledge what this guy even looked like, right until that moment. But he caught me off guard, and I responded with a forced smile, little more than acknowledging his smile. It wasn’t until he walked past me that it even registered that the guy was good looking and probably the kind of guy I might have asked out. And I let him walk past without any mutual acknowledgement or even so much as a hello.
That got me thinking about the vibe I must be giving off at the moment. A cold hard unbothered persona. And despite the knowledge that I’ve been emotionally cut off from guys and dating, it wasn’t until that moment that I realised the degree it’s still prevalent.
Strange what a single smile from a random stranger can invoke within you.
As Christmas nears and conversation turns very seasonal, it’s not entirely surprising just how often conversation turns to relationships. I did a quick sum in my head of those I consider my closest friends (I restricted this to 15) and was really surprised at the statistics. Of those 15 people, 9 were single. As a statistic that’s 60% that are single! And that really surprised me (except the one who is a widow), coz realistically these friends of mine have been looking for a partner fairly actively for quite some time now and wow that did blow me away. The more I thought about it the more I really did struggle to answer why the hell so many of them are single.
Are we simply becoming fussier at choosing and accepting partners, or are potential partners that unsuitable, or are we simply too shy to ask out those who we fancy?
Take one of my gay mates who was up to recently dating a guy, who after 2 months, and a holiday in Italy together, deigned it time to tell my mate that his long time plan was to marry a girl. I’m glad to say that my mate dumped his sorry butt instantly. I know I haven’t actively been out there dating scene in a while but seriously have we not got past the mindset that gay guys need to get married to a girl yet? I wonder whether this is the reason why so many people are single; maybe they’re just having their time wasted by idiots like that, and yes I do seriously think that guy wasted 2 months of my mate’s life – 2 months that he is never going to get back. But then that said I see one of my mates who very recently met his new guy and man they look so cute together it makes this aimless random dating people go through worth it. Hmmm also maybe I should point out that one of my closest mates is also one of those gay guys that still talks about getting married, although that has waned more recently with his increased acceptance of his sexuality, but every now and then he does mention a girl and getting married, and me being me, it’s sometimes quite hard to not roll my eyes. But he isn’t really out there dating people or wasting their time.