Friday, 26 December 2008

Turkey Time

This is slightly (read: majorly) overdue esp considering this post has been sitting idly on my phone since Oct. Here is a short outline of the trip (read: long nontheless) of the trip:

Day 1

Well to say we had a chaotic start & end would be a huge understatement. The day started pretty crap as I felt like something one would scrape off the insides of a gutter.. saying I felt ill barely does justice. Anyways that aside, then came the flight, which involved these 2 brats sitting behind me constantly kicking the seat. After about 20 mins my patience completely worn out I was forced to tell their mother to control them (how difficult is it for a parent to notice their kids disturbing others.. I'd never let my niece disturb anyone like that).. with those harsh words said she moved them to another seat. Thank the Lord as I was ready to murder them by that point.

Having arrived in Turkey I realized that the Holiday Travel Agent had cocked up the transfer and I was left to wait again until my patience wore thin and I yelled at the gezzer who asked me to wait to one side for almost an hour. I'm tired, frustrated & bored and he gets my temper at it's peak - FYI it's 5am by this time. I swiftly find my family and I on a coach headed to the hotel. Result or what? I do however hate losing my temper.. as a Leo I'm like fire incarnate and it's not a pretty sight.

Day 2

Having endured the maximum amount of shit I can deal with the previous day I'm determined to make this day work for me.

With the holiday rep turning up 40 mins late for the Welcome Meeting.. I find myself pretty annoyed. But lucky for her by the time she arrives my anger & annoyance has subsided and she doesn't bear any of my frustration. I find out from her the cost of excursions. I approximate what we want to cover and I'm dissapointed when I realize there isn't enough time to take a trip to Rhodes (which is quite nearby). With that in mind we head off to Marmaris town center by bus and I realize that I could have walked there in 20 mins. We find a travel agent and barter our excursions using the prices the Rep gave us as an anchor. I'm pleased as we've managed to save ourselves £100. Here is a picture of the gezzer who helped us sleeping when we walked in.

On the return my mum glares at me when I suggest we walk back to the hotel, so we catch a bus back. Not even 3 stops later my aunt says she wants to go to a shop we just passed so we hop off the bus and I'm pleased that we walk the rest of the way back FYI I love walking (more so when the sun was shining like it was).

Day 3

We take a tour to Ephesus. It's a Greek built city that has only recently been excavated. It's simmers with history. I loved every second of it despite the intense wind causing the worse kind of bad hair days. It houses one of the Ancient Wonders of the World & it's breathtaking.

Thus ended day 1 of a 2-day excursion so we "overnight" (term used by our Guide) at a hotel in Pamukale. Since the hotel we are staying at overlooks the Calcium formations & the city of Heiropolis - my aunt & I take an evening stroll.. amazing barely does it justice. Mum pooped out and insisted on going to bed (with due respect it's now almost 12am & we have an early 6am start the next day) but my aunt & I are geared to make the most of any & every situation when in a foreign Country.

Day 3

We walk through Pamukale. It's a natural spring so the waters are 36degrees. We sunbathe, swim and soak up our feet in the hot waters. An idylic day. We head back to our actual hotel back in Marmaris in the evening.

Day 4

We grace the Turkish Baths in the morning. Since I have my family with me & I know how body conscious they are I opt for a private VIP one. It was expensive but I knew it'd be more hygienic and that the two ladies would prefer the cleanest Turkish bath possible. Plus with VIP they could be a little more fussy and demand that a woman do the scrubbing & washing instead of a man. I get the decent looking chap scrubbing & washing me. It was highly erotic and I'm impressed that 'it that has a mind of it's own' controlled itself. Very impressed esp considering the guy had straddled me whilst scrubbing my inner thighs with his hands underneath my shorts and face hovering over my crotch.

The evening was our "Turkish Night". Bellydancing & other Turkish stlyed entertainment filled the eve. Here is one of my favourites bits from the night:

My aunt wasn't too impressed by the attention the male (& clearly gay) bellydancer plastered on me. See here part of his initial routine.

In the middle of his dance piece he stopped, looked me straight in the eyes and did 'nameste' (the traditional Indian greeting.. where one puts both palms together and inclines the head) and laughed heartily when I inclined my head in return. A sign of mutual respect and acknowledgement. Immediately after his dance he raced over to me first and hugged me with a warmth only gay people reserve for other people. My aunt was not best pleased with this but even she couldn't help but laugh.

Day 5

We did Icmelar Market & a City tour. We stopped at a Gold Centre where one really cute Turkish guy started talking to me. We talked about work and life in London compared to Turkey. We spoke for a good 20mins. I was a bit taken aback when he asked me if I had a girlfriend. I said no. He looked into my eyes with intensity and burning curiosity but sensing this conversation was about to nosedive I bid him farewell immediately and dashed. It's not the first time recently I've pulled away from such attention from guys. I'm hoping that'll change in time.

At the Leather Showroom later, some bloke from the showroom dragged me onto the Catwalk despite me being in shorts to don a leather jacket. Imagine how funny I must have looked with low cut cream shorts, a wafer thin yellow Mr Men tee-shirt and then an expensive leather evening jacket on top.

At the Halwa shop I finally got a respite and wasn't focused on. The marina offered the most perfect pictures ever.

Finally at the Market I got more attention than I would have personally liked but still it was good on the ego. One cute guy took off my tee-shirt (which I only realised he was planning to do after it was off) - he was merely inspecting the material and design and then simply pulled it off and ran off without so much as a backward glance. I was standing there with my jaw hanging open, topless and the tourists around me delighted that this sleepy market had some soul afterall. FYI: He did bring it back a short while later. But by this time the story of the market stall owner running off with my tee had made me a minor celebrity. We traveled from one side of the Market to the other and everyone had something to say on my Mr Noisy tee. Very funny it was. My favourite quote of the day was when the market stall owner yelled out at me: "Yo Mr Noisy come here, everything is cheaper than shop-lifting".

In the evening I got a haircut, a Turkish shave (where the bastard put a lighter to my ears and burnt the fine ear hair) & then had my eyebrows shaped. I swear the whole experience hurt worse than when I got my tattoo. It just made me so glad I'm not a woman. Here is a picture that still makes me go ouch*:

* - this is the scars two days later :o(

Day 6

We went to the Daylan Mudbath.. which in itself is a story, as well as the Turtle Beach, where I wrote "AMIT SAYS HELLO" in the sand. When we passed by the beach in the evening (a good 8 hours later) it was still there (I wonder if it's still there or if it might be the first thing a baby turtle sees when it crawls out from the sand). Nice. We didn't see any actual loggerhead turtles though :o( but I had him to keep me visually occupied:

Whilst I said it's a story in itself, here are the main bits of the mudbaths. We were given an hour to enjoy the mudbaths.. obviously the ladies took 15 mins getting into their swimwear.

The crunch point was that the changing cabins had no door just a gap in the straw (yes as in a straw hut which was see-through in many areas. Now I'm quite shameless anyway so I flung on my trunks (I need me a nice tight pair of Aussiebums) without so much as a blink of an eye and dived into the mud and covered myself and my aunt in sludge. My mum had changed into her swimwear and then realized that there was no way she wanted the agony of enduring the shame of changing and showering here so she returned to the cabin and donned her clothes.

Whilst dunking in the mud-pool I realized that everyone else was using the muddy water and there was no actual mud.. after searching I found some settled mud in a corner of the pool so I dug deep and scooped the mud out so that my aunt and I could aptly cover our skin. Upon emerging from the mud people noted that we were the only ones covered in actual mud so instantly we became akin to celebraties & random strangers started photographing & filming us. I now know how it feels to have paparazzi trying to "capture" you. Pity for them that both my aunt and I do not have picture perfect bodies.

When the tour guide started yelling at us to get into the shower & start washing my aunt and I headed into the showers (read: cold no privacy open air sprinklers not real showers) and attempted to wash. The mud however was so thick it would barely peel with the force of the sprinkler. We scrubbed (my aunt in her swimwear and me in my trunks) and when my patience wore out I pulled my trunks off which resulted in very noticable staring from men & women alike, and attempted to get the mud off the now revealed skin. It was much easier sans the clothes. My aunt merely raised her eyebrow.. having lived with me for so long I think she is used to how blasé I am about nudity. Anyways after I'd stripped I noted an unfit & old man pull his trunks down to reveal his wrinkly bum (eeek that bum really should not be seeing the light of day anymore) and scrub. It was very funny. Similarly a woman in her late forties stripped (again parts of her should not be allowed to see the light of day either).

Having showered I returned to the seating area where I has left my clothes I noticed several people men and women changing here there and everywhere. It was like a nudist camp. I dropped my towel (again cue the staring) and changed into a clean and dry pair of shorts. My aunt however made her way back to the straw cabin slash changing hut (umm that's the see-through ones I mentioned earlier LMAO.. that's all I'm saying) and changed. By this time however my aunt and I were the only ones still here (from our group that is) and everyone had made their way back to the boat (making us late again). Back on the boat came out the body butter, the face moisturizer, the deoderant, the lip balm, & the scents. The girls sitting in front smiling all the time.. clearly knowing only too well the price of looking beautiful. And thus ended the trip to Dalyan.

Day 7

The final day. Packing and manicures! LOL. I had arranged manicures for the final morning for the two lovely ladies. We woke early as there was much to pack and breakfast to be had before we had to check out of the hotel.

Clearly as normal I provided entertainment onboard the shuttle bus - everyone realized there was a step.. all except me obviously. Note that I had tripped not just the once (as then there would have been no joke) but 4 times as I entered or left the bus (going up or down it) and worse was I tripped on the blasted step very audibly each time.. and as a result everyone on the bus chorus'd "mind the step" everytime I approached the step. It was so funny. On leaving the bus at the airport I took a bow on the blasted step and everyone applauded. And that folks is my last Turkish memory. Here is the infamous step:

Encoded on Ams' iPhone

Sunday, 21 December 2008

Blog Changes

Hmmm I've been a shite blogger recently and things ought to get better now (I hope).

I've tinkered about with the settings of the blog so I'm somewhat comfortable with it now.

I've disabled the post feed function - I know some people do use that but for reasons I'm not really wanting to highlight here I'd rather this was a disabled function (at the moment anyways) so my apologies for this.

Further to that, I've also disabled the archive facility and thus the ability to go through my previous posts is not possible.

My iPhone has created the need for another alter-ego to access my own blog (don't even ask) so you'll note there are now 2 Soul Seared Dreamers around... both ultimately do lead back here (I think they do)

And finally something that has chafed me right from the onset (and is one of the reasons why I've not been blogging much).. is the current invitation-only restriction and at present I'm toying with the idea of removing it. I've not decided yet but I do think it likely that I will do so.

Monday, 13 October 2008

Ache of a Bleeding Heart

I'm resisting. Damn.. how hard it is that I'm resisting is difficult to convey herewith.. the desire to just say the things that ought to be said is overwhelming but I won't rise to his bait.. I will not nitpick every slanderous comment he makes. Afterall I've outgrown the hair-pulling & name-calling antics of school kids. And I'm well above simple taunts.

As I stated in my previous post.. I've recently been on holiday. A much needed respite from my recent bitter-giltedged life.. and jeez it was good. Just what I needed. My next post will be about that but for now I have another topic in mind as you might have noticed.

Now when one has been blogging for a while it's hardly surprising when bloggers start coming together. A fellow blogger who is a trust-worthy & decent individual is a mutual friend to both Charles & I. We'll call this individual Judgement. Thing with me is that I've never asked anyone to refrain from speaking, emailing, texting or meeting up with Charles.. just coz I have a grievance with Charles I can't see why that would impact anyone else's dealings with him. I'm above that. In fact I've specifically told all of my mates that have met him that I'm alright with them keeping in touch with him. I'd prefer that they didn't but I'm not about to tell them that. That's a decision each person is entitled to make themselves.

I had thought I had made myself clear on that. So I was taken aback when I received numerous calls, emails & texts from mutual friend Judgement in somewhat of a panicked state finally the text reading "ring me now" made me pick up the phone immediately. Normally when I'm on holiday I prefer being unreachable. When I rang Judgement.. I was given a breakdown of Charles' recent actions/activities on his blog.
What Charles chooses to say on his blog really doesn't bother me so I thanked Judgement for said concern but said it wasn't warranted.. for those that read both blogs I refer herewith to the post about the laptop (I don't have a link as I choose not to read his blog). I believe he has granted me access to his blog but I have not tested it recently.. I only figured out that I had access when I accidentally clicked a link one day and was able to view his blog. I chose to hit backspace and continue as if that hadn't happened. A personal choice.

What I didn't have an answer for was Judgement's question: "why do you tolerate Charles bad-mouthing you".

I had much to say to Judgement but only replied with "he's welcome to say whatever he wants.. I know the truth so I at least can attempt to sleep peacefully at night".

"He has said some awful things about you on his blog and other other's blogs" Judgement tells me. I know this as I've read slanderous comments he has left on the blogs I've followed for ages. I'm not sure what Judgement expected me to say in return or understand why I was so blasé about it all.. maybe Judgement expected me to ask what exactly was being said. I didn't. So after a while Judgement said "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course buddy.. but I'm not promising that I'll answer." It's a very typical me answer.

"What I don't get is why he slags you off.. what do you think he thinks he is achieving. On one hand he says you were the worse boyfriend ever.. and on the other that he'd do anything to get you back. He is a walking enigma."

Not quite a question I realize but that's what Judgement asks. I chose to evade the question, the last thing I want to get into is a conversation about Charles' faults. So I reply with "LOL. You can't use the word enigma.. that's my word."

"You're trying to change the subject. OK sod it. You win. I'll say no more. You borrowed his laptop right?" I assume this was the question Judgement wanted to ask.. and it felt every bit a leading question.

Confused as to how Judgement knows that - I answer attempting to nip this topic in the bud "Yeah. He was really there for me and gave it to me when my computer stopped working but when we broke up I didn't want to keep it so I gave it back"

Judgement pauses and I sense the hesitation before he says "You're not gonna wanna know this but he's recovered all the files you deleted"

I must admit Judgement was right.. I definitely didn't want or need to know that. The truth is it hardly surprised me.. I've dated the guy so I know only to well how obsessive & controlling he can be. This is typical Charles behaviour. Assuming he'd find some dirt on me. One can only find dirt when some exists. I rest assured that nothing was even on that laptop that could fuel his delusions. After our first date he told me things that made it crystal clear he was using the Internet to stalk everything I had "out there". In fact that should have been the first warning sign but at the time I put it down to his curiosity. He even located a comment I had made on a Pokemon forum back in my teens.. which not even I can find myself anymore.

Slightly disturbed now with Charles I reply with "It's fine. I had some songs, some pictures, my Warcraft & iTunes account, and my book (which I must admit I wish he didn't have) so nothing which I'm particularly stressed about. But thanks for telling me. Is there anything else?"

Maybe my tone was a little off and so for that I apologise to Judgement herewith.

"He says you caused a scene at his workplace.. what's that all about" Judgement asks me.

"Ummm. He came to my workplace and dropped off his front doors keys. When I realised what he had done I returned them to the reception of his workplace. I said nothing more than 'please pass this onto Charles' to the receptionist and walked away. Anyways Judgement I better go this call is costing me both my arms & a leg" I say with my finger hovering over the end call button.

"He thinks you went on holiday with X." Judgement practically yells at me before my finger can cancel the call. If silence can be loud.. at this moment it is deafening.

He's floored me. I'm shocked and outraged. I've tried my level best to ensure that Charles can't keep tabs on me. I've even restricted my blog which goes against my entire blog's motto. I'm floored as to how he has figured out I'm on holiday. I feel my voice waver and I know that if I am to talk it won't hold so I give myself a few moments to recover. My stomach turns and my mind races. Silly thoughts and questions like "is someone who has access to my blog spying on me for him" fill my mind. Then I realize I have an "out of office" autoreply on my work email address. He's obviously made up a new email address again to get around the blocks I have on all his other emails he's used. He must be using that and the international ringing when he dails my mobile. A familiar bell rings in my head & I switch off. My sarcasm flares.. "I did."

Judgement pauses.. obviously thinking this was a serious conversation. But I sense that Judgement isn't sure if I'm messing around or not.

I feel like I should release Judgement from the snare I've unwittingly snared Judgement in. "I did. My mother is really X in disguise." I can't help but laugh. I physically laugh out loud. That is the level of Charles' delusions that even when I'm on holiday with my family in his mind I'm with X.

I find that the anger and annoyance that was coursing through me quickly turns into pity. I actually felt pity for him in that moment - in order to elicit sympathy he is making up such shite on his blog. And then I feel grateful that the more outrageous the allegations and slanderous the comments the easier he makes moving on for me.

I bid Judgement farewell. I jokingly thank him for ruining my holiday - but in actual fact it had the opposite effect. I feel free from it. Above it all. Strange that.

Judgement's call simply made think that I'm just really glad that I've now broken my ties with him. I do wish him luck with whoever next tickles his fancy. In fact I'm really looking forward to the day I'm not the focal point of all his delusions & obsessions. But deep down I know that I will feel for the person who enters his life.. especially considering I've had to endure the darker side to his character & personality and I hope and pray that no one has to endure that side of him. Maybe just maybe.. he'll get a better boyfriend than me and live happily ever after.

Sent from my iPhone

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

Milano Baby

Milan baby. The Dreamer is off to Milan tmrw. Woo hoo. Well its just for the day... but who cares? Right now my philosophy is: one should never resist spending well earned money on ones self. Plus its like Fashion week or something I'm told and that can never be a bad time to go to Milan.

The week after that I have a week-long trip to Turkey. Recent circumstances have had me to my wits end with certain people but there are days where I feel like a new dawn is just around the corner.. others unfortunately where it feels like there is no end to the sucky life that seems to linger on me like a bad smell. So with all that in mind Turkey is gonna be heaven - I'm gonna leave my phone at home and pretend the world doesn't exist anymore. It will be fab.

Plus in November, the Sardinian gang is headed to Amsterdam (woo hoo) for a long weekend - well except Rahul who will be the exception but he claims he can't come and has some valid reasoning (in his mind anyway).

I'm finally getting caught up with the blogs I've been neglecting recently. My iPhone is certainly helping as it means that I can catch up on a few blogs during my train journey home. I think there are still 2/3 I still need to frequent and update the blogroll to the ones I've missed out. What ever happened to Kev in NZ? Has anyone got a link to his blog - I can't seem to locate mine anymore :o(

Anyways better dash - just got in from Excel Training (which was such a waste of my department's training budget but at least I had a day off work) and I've yet to kick back in joggers.

Kisses to all xXx

Wednesday, 17 September 2008


Well one of my greatest regrets in starting my first blog was my opening post got virtually no mention of it being the first post. Since this is hardly my first post.. rather it would be my 223rd post - it hardly seems appropriate. Oh well. Guess that regret still stands.

I'm wagering that some of you would be aware of the reasons behind the disappearance of SSD behind a veiled curtain here but if not that story will remain untold until another day - I'm hardly about to taint my new blog with such misery - this blog is all about looking forward and moving on and I'm not gonna sit here and wallow on what is to me ancient history. Maybe there will be a day that happens - but that day definitely isn't today.

Today is merely about invites and tinkering with settings and layouts.