Friday, 26 March 2010

A 24 Hour Deficit

I swear it feels like each day at the moment is just too short.. and funnily enough it feels short by all 24 hours.

I've been meaning to post something for weeks without much luck. But as today marks (I think) the third anniversary of me fully coming out to everyone in my life (family included) I suppose the subject demands some limelight.

What a long and arduous journey it has been. It's had joy, tears, pleasure, anger, love, fear, passion, confusion and a whole bundle of laughs.

Maybe it's the fact that I've been conversing fairly recently with someone who is still at the infancy of his journey in discovering who he really is and who he wants to be.. that as I stand here.. I truly feel the magnitude of what it is I've managed to achieve in the last few years.

As you all know I'm always keen on preserving the anonymity of those I blog about so for the purposes of this post we'll call said guy Jazz.

Well what to say about Jazz - I met him a few years ago during a fashion show I took part in.. in aid of a charity I've been an avid supporter of for many years now. I quite literally jumped up at the chance to partake in a fashion show to help them raise much needed money. Anyways I knew even then that he was more than likely to be gay but with some guys you feel that they aren't ready to embrace that aspect of their life yet or discuss it so you tend to give them their space.

Anyways in typical me mode I'm digressing.

One thing I wish I had when I was coming to terms with my sexuality was someone to talk to, someone to tell me how it is, someone to offer words of advice, someone to reassure me things were gonna be okay, someone to vent to, but most importantly someone just like me who knew what I was going through and was there for me if I ever needed someone to talk to. Someone to act as that support network so essential when taking those first few steps.

I never did have that and well I know how hard that is and was.. so I do try and be that someone when I can. I can see myself being that support for Jazz. And well truth be told even if I help Jazz with 1% of his journey.. it'll be well worth it. Maybe in a year or 10 when Jazz's completed his journey.. he might help somone else who might need a shoulder to lean on or a hand to steady them or someone to remind them they aren't alone. I've always loved the idea of pay-it-forward.

Well I'm not pyschic so I don't know whether this would have happened without a little push from me but Jazz has just started university and with a few words of encouragment he told a few of his uni mates he was gay. As someone who had never really told anyone he was gay.. I told Jazz that uni was a great opportunity to be whoever the hell you want to be (sometimes I wish I knew that back then), but he took my advice and told his closest girlfriends and well they took it great and I hope those positive reactions will carry him forward for sometime to come.

Anyways guess all I wanted to say was.. no matter who you are or where you are in your journey... never forget there are lots of others sailing that boat with you. Be yourself. It ain't easy but things do get better - take me as an example. Don't regret the people I've told even the few that reacted negatively.


Ams' iPhone


Jules said...

I was just thinking about how long I've known you and I guess this confirms my memory of it all. Happy erm.. coming-out-aversary?

You pay things forward in many more ways than just helping one man on his journey. Just letting you know that. xoxo

tyler said...

hey george:
im back, read me.

GVP said...

Nice post. I also wish the same thing when I was coming to term with being gay. Great job :P